If someone comes forward with allegations of gender-based violence (GBV), one of the first debates that erupts is whether or not the survivor is lying. However, we know that research indicates that the likelihood of allegations being false is very slim. The risks of coming forward far outweigh any “benefits” they may get. Victims/survivors* are often risking their families, their livelihood, their credibility, and their personhood in order to bring forth these allegations, seek safety, and restart their lives. As such, many still struggle to show their support for victims/survivors because of their discomfort for what it means for the accused: that they are automatically declared guilty, and will not get a fair accountability process.
Believing survivors is not denying the accused due process. Believing and supporting survivors, ensuring their safety, securing the necessary funds they may need, and ensuring they get connected to the resources and services they need, is completely separate from the accountability process the accused may be asked to participate in (ie legal system, institutional accountability, community accountability, etc). Too often, our communities feel like they have to choose between two options: either believing survivors (that it happened) or believing the accused (that the allegations are false).
While supporting survivors may overlap with the accountability process, it is also separate from each other, and not everyone has the necessary role or responsibility to participate in the accountability process. In fact, rest assured that most people *should not* be playing the role of investigating and determining whether or not the accused is guilty or whether the allegations are true. Those who may be involved in accountability processes can include: the survivor, the accused, law enforcement, lawyers, third party investigators, institutional leadership, restorative justice practitioners, and other trained professionals. Engaging in an accountability process when you are not in the role of determining guilt, whether by interrogation of the survivor, or even simply public discourse, is actually more harmful to all parties, including, and especially, the survivor.
However, everyone *can* and *should* know how to offer support to survivors in their moment of need and direct them to the resources and services they need. As such supporting survivors can look like:
- Crisis intervention: assisting survivors to safety plan, secure safe shelter + housing, food, and other social services necessary for their survival.
- Securing funding: often, survivors need access to financial resources to secure the necessary legal services, counseling, and restart their lives
- Ensuring social + physical safety while the case is unfolding: when survivors speak up, or choose to leave an abusive situation, they often continue to experience threats, pressure, and intimidation, both from the person that is harming them as well as the community that is supporting the accused (family, supporters, etc).
- Following their lead. Meet the survivor where they are at and follow the survivor’s lead when it comes to what they are asking for. GBV is when power and control is taken from the survivor, and so the most empowering thing you can do is to give it back to them. If they do not want to file a police report, respect that, no matter how much you think it is a good idea they should. If they need funds, help them find resources. If they are looking for institutional accountability, help them navigate what accountability processes are at the institution of question. Perhaps they are just looking for someone to believe and affirm their experience. It is critical to let them be in the driver’s seat. Note that this applies to adult survivors. If the survivor is a minor, this is harder to do as there are mandated reporting requirements, and a separate process for that.
- Understanding the impact of trauma. Trauma can have multiple and lifelong impacts on the survivor, and their families who are supporting them. It can manifest in many ways including anger, sadness, depression, memory loss, etc. Understand that if you are seeing a case unfold, and you notice the survivor is “changing their story,” backing out from a legal process, “picking fights” with others, or simply not wanting any part in the case or process, it is likely a trauma response, not that they are lying.
- Disrupting victim blaming. As conversations erupt on social media, in community spaces, and even at the dinner table, often the case is discussed and dissected, and often “intellectualized” where people try to identify how it could have been prevented. This is often dangerous, and leads to much victim blaming. It is critical to disrupt the victim blaming, and end the conversation, if necessary.
While there are many who may feel that they are being victim-centered in their approach, often, there are many mistakes that are made. What may not be helpful to victims/survivors:
- Violating privacy and confidentiality. Telling their story, and sharing details, speaking on their behalf, without their permission, even under the motivation of trying to help their cause, can actually cause more harm, retraumatization, and the spreading of rumors and misinformation. Moreover, this can also hinder a potential active legal case and/or investigation,
- Dictating what you think they should do. It is not helpful to tell a survivor what they should or should not do, especially if they did not ask for it.
- Asking them for evidence. Their testimony is their evidence. Moreover, if there is a legal case or another type of investigation, they will have to repeat their story and produce “evidence” as needed. Asking them as a (concerned) community member so that you can make an informed assessment is neither your role, nor is it helpful or supportive. Again, it can cause additional harm and retraumatization. Other times, it can compromise an ongoing investigation that may already be happening.
- Calling for an accountability process that is not survivor-led. While you may have many opinions about this person, it is complicated. Often, the accused is a loved one, a spouse, a parent, etc that may still be in relationship with the survivor. Additionally, the survivor may still be financially or otherwise dependent on the accused, may also still have love or respect for their accuser. While they may want the abuse to stop and ultimately be free of the situation, they may not want the accused to be painted as a monster. In short, calls for public accountability that are not survivor-led also can have immediate impacts on the survivors physical, social, emotional, and financial safety. Moreover, as noted above, survivor support and community accountability are two separate processes.
As gender-based violence continues to plague our communities, we must all work to understand what it means to center survivors and their needs. Survivor-led/victim-centered processes can be frustrating, especially if you disagree with what the survivor/victim ultimately decides. However, these approaches are critical in order to give power and control back to the person that is the most impacted by the violence: the survivor/victim. While every case is unique and has its specific nuances, we have worked to create tools to make the survivor/victim support process easier. From our RAHMA principles to our avenues for support and our barriers to disclosure video, we hope you are able to find these tools useful to support the survivors in your life.
Resources to learn more:
- Responding with RAHMA: A framework to respond to disclosures of violence
- Create a safety plan
- Start by Believing Campaign
- Barriers to Disclosure
- Avenues of Support
- Trauma and the Brain
*There are different opinions on the use of the terms victim and survivor. Some individuals who have experienced [an incidence of GBV (such as sexual assault)] refer to themselves as victims because they were victimized by a violent offense. This term also stresses the fact that the assault was not their fault. Other individuals who have experienced [a sexual assault] however, embrace the term survivor because it highlights the strength required to survive sexual violence and reach out for help. The transition from victim to survivor is a personal, self-identified continuum. It is up to the individual to make their own decision. Typically, a person who was recently assaulted is referred to as a victim, while someone whose assault happened further in the past is referred to as a survivor. It’s important to acknowledge the reality that many people who experience violence don’t actually survive it. – Fumbling Towards Repair: A Workbook for Community Accountability Facilitators, by Mariame Kaba & Shira Hassan
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