by Seher Siddiqee, HEART Chaplain
The question that I have been pondering for this reflection is how do I connect my body to the ritual expressions of my practice? This came about as I was preparing for the month of Ramadan and trying to figure out what goals I wanted and what I was hoping to gain in this month. I’d like to begin with a poem called “The Small Claim of Bones by Cindy Williams Gutierrez.
what my body knows
is not a lie it’s not
a lie i tell you it is not
it’s nothing short of truth
and nothing larger
my past lodges
in my marrow and if
i wanted a transplant
there’d be no match
others’ sorrows dwarf
my petty traumas still
these bones are mine
when they creak
when they moan
when they whine
there’s only one thing
i can claim these bones
are mine i tell you
they are mine and kind
to abandon no thing
that makes this pulse
no one but me
A few weeks before Ramadan, I was talking to a friend who asked me what my goals would be for Ramadan. I hadn’t thought much about them as I still thought I had ample of time to think about them. To be honest, I wasn’t sure what I wanted from Ramadan this year. The past few years, Ramadan has come at some challenging times and the month was something I felt like a collection of motions that I was not particularly engaged with. This year, I wanted it to be different. As I thought about what I hoped for this Ramadan could be, I thought about my body and the physicality of this month, the preparation and care that goes into getting ready to fast and sustaining that practice for a month. This got me thinking about the bodily connection -or lack thereof- of various rituals that have been central to my spiritual practice but for the most part have remained in my head. So this year I chose to take this month to reflect on the ways in which I connect my physical body to different spiritual practices, the first two that came to mind were prayer and fasting.
I am someone who tends to put others and their needs before my own and sometimes this can be to the detriment of my own health and wellbeing. I push myself past healthy limits and it is often not until after my breaking point that I take time to rest and stop. I have noticed this more during the past pandemic year and am actively trying to change the thought process and behaviors around this. When I think of Ramadan, I often think about the late nights visiting with people, going to the masjid, trying to do tons of extra worship. All of these can be wonderful goals and ways to interact with my faith. But I noticed in the past few years that I would start the month with a laundry list of goals and activities that I needed to accomplish but would quickly burn out. I was not able to sustain these goals on top of work and other commitments I had. This year I wanted Ramadan to be different. Rather than trying to do lots and lots of extra acts, I wanted to focus on strengthening and deepening the practices that I do have with the intention that I wanted to sustain them past the month of Ramadan.
As I sat down to create my intentions for the month, I thought about what it takes to physically prepare my body to fast every day for a month.
- I make a list of foods that i can eat at suhoor that will be filling and nourishing as well as finding my big water bottle to fill up and drink every morning.
- I know the kinds of foods that I want to break my fast with at iftar that will not upset my stomach after a day of fasting. And I know the balance of food and water I need at suhoor and iftar so I am nourishing my body
- I get the biggest water bottle and fill it up to drink as much water as possible during the night
- I need to go to bed at a certain time to make sure I can get a good amount of sleep before suhoor knowing it is harder for me to sleep after
- About 2 weeks before Ramadan, I slowly stop drinking coffee because I need to ready my body for the lack of caffeine withdrawal and know if is suddenly stop, I will get massive headaches
- I note the times of the day that I have more energy so that I can use that time to do certain tasks and note the times I have less energy and may need to take some rest.
Why do I do all of these things? Because I want to ensure that I am setting myself and my body up to be as successful as possible. Just as I would take time to prepare for a presentation or a test, I put the time into getting my body ready because my body has rights over me. Not only is taking care of my body a good idea, it is more deeply and spiritually rooted in the idea that just as people have rights over us to be good to them and to take care of them, our bodies have rights over us. In this hadith, the Prophet Muhammad (Peace and Blessings Upon him) reminds his companion by saying: “Observe the fast sometimes and also leave them (the fast) at other times; stand up for the prayer at night and also sleep at night. Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you and your wife has a right over you.”
This is a reminder that we should ground ourselves in moderation. Yes, we can strive for better and more at times, but we should ensure that we are not doing it at the cost of others or ourselves. We have been given the trust by God to take care of the gift of our bodies. When I think about the need to care for my body in therms of the rights that it has over me, it deepens the connection I have to my body and its needs because it is rooted in relationality- my body does so much for me and just as I want to care for others who take care of me, I can reciprocate that care to my body. Rather than having to do something I have to do, it becomes something that I want to do and feels more purposeful and meaningful.
I know for myself, part of the challenge to see taking care of myself and body is that we live in a society that prioritizes production and doing. There is a constant need for doing, and oftentimes for others. To take care of oneself becomes a selfish act. What this hadith reminds me of is that it is quite the opposite. Taking the time to focus and center ourselves in our bodies is a Divine invitation to connect with our roots, our core, our Creator.
In addition to spending some time reflecting on how I would fast, I also started to spend a few minutes before as many prayers as it was possible to calm my mind and center my breath. I wanted to move away from feeling like my prayers were a to do list item that needed to quickly be checked off before moving onto the next thing. So I started with sitting and taking 5 deep breaths. When I had the time and the capacity, I sat a bit longer. What I quickly noticed, when I did this, I was able to concentrate on my prayers more. I thought more about how I was moving my body and what I was saying during the prayer. In one of my prayers, I found myself lingering in sujood as I very slowly said “subhana rabbi al ala”- “Glorious is my Lord the Most High” and thinking about how I am connected to God the Most High when I am physically at my lowest and most vulnerable. I noticed my heartbeat slow down and feel a sense of calm, one that i had not felt in a while. The times that I did not take the time to breathe, I more easily lost focus and felt rushed in the prayer.
I share these stories and thoughts with you as an invitation to think about how you connect your body to your spiritual practices. Our bodies do so much for us, some things we are aware of, and others are automatic or subconscious. Especially living in a society that prioritizes a detachment from our bodies in selves in order to do more and be more, re-grounding ourselves in the very being that allows us to be and function in this world, can be a radical act of love and worship. This will look different for all of us and each of us may find unique and special ways in which we can deepen our connection to God through our spiritual expressions.
In the Loving
in the letting go,
let there be this
to hold onto
at the last:
the enduring of love,
the persisting of hope,
the remembering of joy,
the offering of gratitude,
the receiving of grace,
the blessing of peace.
–Jan Richardson, Circle of Grace: A Book of Blessings for the Seasons
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