Part II of the series. Read Part I here. | Content Warning: Sexual Assault, Domestic Violence
by Navila Rashid
*Names have been changed for privacy reasons
About 4 years ago, I remember walking out of the Kings County Family Court with my client Sakina* and walking over to a food truck. Just a week earlier, she was in my office with a bruised face and a busted lip, recounting how her husband would brutally beat and rape her. He went as far as to tell her how she had no rights because she was not an American citizen.
Working as a social worker in a gender-based-violence (GBV) non-profit meant hearing these stories daily and more uniquely, how they found our services. Sakina shared that she had no idea that GBV organizations existed and that she was grateful that law enforcement connected her to us. Her husband had cut her off from her family and hid all of her documents. All she had was a flip phone, which she hid from him. She had no community in Brooklyn, and was about seven thousand miles away from her family in Bangladesh.
Back at the food cart outside of the family court, Sakina had a surprisingly large smile across her face. It was time for us to order food and she insisted on paying for me. I refused and reiterated our policy about boundaries with clients and she stopped me by gently placing her hand on my shoulder. She looked me straight in the eyes and said, “My family is so far away and you’re the closest person to family for me right now. If I was home with them, I would be buying food for my siblings. Please, let me feel like I have family right now.”
So I let her.
I share this story because I’ve been thinking a lot about community and what community care looks like for those that are victims of violence and are doubly and triply isolated. To those whose community is now inaccessible because quarantine restrictions due to COVID-19 has become a “new normal”. I’m thinking about how the smallest acts of care can make someone feel whole, and opens the door of the unique ways community care can be practiced.
But what is community care and why does it matter?
Community care is the important work of taking care of our communal ecosystems, the people and places we are in community with. At HEART, we believe that communal care is a part of the essence and tradition of Islam, and at its very core, it is RAHMA (compassion).
When thinking about victims and survivors of GBV in all its forms, it’s especially critical to consider the most marginalized. In a world where COVID-19 exposes how poverty exacerbates pre-existing societal, intergenerational, gender, race, class, and ableist inequities, it is also highlighting how each of these carry independent and interdependent stigmas and shame.
Additionally, for those that are now further marginalized because of COVID-19, the echoes of a digital divide is palpable, especially for victims and survivors. Not only are we seeing the disparity of reliable health and safety resources and information about COVID-19, but also a limited access to community care that can cultivate a sense of safety for victims and survivors of violence.
“A digital divide is the gap that exists between individuals who have access to modern information and communication technology and those who lack access.” One can even say that the virus reveals how structural and institutional violence has caused a digital divide, making the marginalized even more vulnerable and further isolated
Last month, we shared the unique ways Muslims victims and survivors can be impacted during COVID-19, and we would be remiss if we also didn’t acknowledge that virtual resources that are meant to be accessible, inadvertently leaves out those who never had access to computers, phones, and internet to begin with.
With social distancing in place, and knowing that this can lead to increased violence in the home, community care is that much more important for those who are impacted by the digital divide. It means, finding the ways to visibilize those that feel invisible and unheard. It also means being more creative with ways to connect them to not only resources but to the things that can make them feel a sense of healing and restoration. It means shifting the burden of action from the individual survivor/victim, to the collective community at large, and working to ensure that our communities are safe and cared for.
How do we reach the most marginalized victims and survivors and cultivate community care?
There isn’t just one way to reach the most marginalized, and we may not have all the answers on how to find solutions to support victims and survivors who are out of reach. But if there’s anything we can walk away with, it’s the idea that social change can only happen if we are willing to start a paradigm shift to dismantle structural powers that further marginalize those with the least power.
How do we do this?
This means for those of us that have any iota of privilege, are we willing to risk it to give voice to those who don’t? Are we willing to risk our standing and our status? Are we willing to cultivate community and show up in the ways that mean letting go of what’s comfortable?
Sakina felt cared for by the community – in this example, me – knowing that food and sharing a meal is what connected her to a sense of wholeness during crisis. She wanted to feel human and to feel like she had agency. Victims and survivors already feel like they are isolated and alone,, and this means losing community when it matters the most.
A close friend of mine, a survivor of violence and someone who had very limited access to a phone and a laptop while in crisis, shared a few ways he hopes people can show up for victims and survivors who are the most marginalized:
Respond with RAHMA (compassion): With social distancing in effect, many people feel inhibited and no longer are able to check in on their loved ones who may be victims or survivors. This can become jarring especially in Muslim communities where there’s a culture of being tight-knit.
- Call To Action: The act of virtually (phone call, texting, video chats) connecting may reassure victims and survivors that they are not alone despite heightened environments of isolation not limited to COVID.
A Call for Old Devices: laptops, cellphones and tablets, that can be allocated to community members who do not have mediums to communicate.
- Call to Action: If you know your friend/neighbor/family member lives in an abusive home, consider giving them an old cell phone/device their partner may not know of. This will allow them to contact you in case they need something. *We will be releasing a relief fund soon that will offer devices, money for emergency services, etc…
Increasing accessibility: Creating accessible language instructions for installing applications that can be used for communication that do not require subscription like: google voice, whatsapp, etc…
- Call to Action: If you are providing a device, consider having these already installed with contacts pre-filled.
Community Organizing: Creating relay systems identifying neighbors or community members within the surrounding area of individuals most in need and in danger, who can be contacted in crisis/or who can simply check in. Especially those with visible and invisible disabilities.
- Call To Action: Pod mapping (originally developed by Mia Mingus for the Bay Area Transformative Justice Collective) is a great way to identify who you can call on if violence, harm or abuse happened(s) to you; or the people that you can call on if you want support in taking accountability for violence, harm or abuse you’ve done; or if you witnessed violence or if someone you care about was being violent or being abused.
Spontaneous social distancing visits. Remember that a little can go a long way in lifting the spirit of marginalized victims and survivors: clothing, games, teach-ins, a phone call, showing up to deliver something, sending food, etc…
- Call To Action: This can look like a mail person, or a random relative/friend with a delivery to interrupt a person who harms from their abusive behavior.
In listening to my friend and thinking about Sakina, there was a recurring theme of wanting to feel like human beings that have agency, choice, and community. We are built and made for human connections and fostering a deep sense of belonging.
Community care during COVID-19 for victims and survivors means that we must confront our systemic structures just as much as we continue to provide relief from immediate crises of the most marginalized. It requires us to build a community where we are in constant interaction with one another and mobilizing for those who lack access and power.
If you’re reading this and know of anyone in your community that needs support, please reach out to them and let them know you’re there for them. Remind them that they are seen, believed, and heard.
Outreach and Community Engagement Manager for HEART; Navila Rashid is a Bangladeshi-American forensic social worker, freelance educator & trainer, and consultant working with diverse clients.
National Hotlines for those that need immediate support
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
- National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE
- Rape Crisis Hotline: 1-888-293-2080
- AMALA Hopeline: 1-855-95-AMALA
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264
- National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453
Specialty Organizations that work with Muslim Communities
- Peaceful Families Project; Domestic violence within Muslim families: www.peacefulfamilies.org
- KARAMAH, Muslim Women Lawyers for Human Rights: http://karamah.org
- HEART, Sexual health education & sexual violence awareness: www.heartwomenandgirls.org/
- The Hurma Project, Spiritual abuse within Muslim spaces: https://hurmaproject.com/
National Organizations for Educational Purposes
- National Sexual Violence Resource Center: www.nsvrc.org/
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/
- Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network: www.rainn.org/
- YWCA: www.ywca.org
- Stop It Now!: https://www.stopitnow.org/
- Love is Respect: https://www.loveisrespect.org/
- Futures without Violence: https://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/
